i was one cockatoo away from being an eccentric more eccentric today. surely when i am older i will be known for my sum of eccentricities and my squawking bird companions. together we will sit on a porch and watch the worriers and fretters wear the concrete from the sidewalks while i choreograph fight scenes in my head.
i have been thinking a lot lately about what attributes are specific to me. what are variables in the equation of my consciousness that make me behave the way i do and say the things i say? why do i prefer to use the dirty spoons at the coffee shop instead of the clean ones. is it because of the of the signs that denote which are the dirty spoons and which are the clean ones? Does the assumption of which spoon to use piss me off? is it a fuck you to conventionalism or an effort to save the enviornment? or am i just a fuckin weirdo?
this morning i woke up at ten and laid in my bed till noon. not because i’m lazy, not because i was afraid to face the day but because i was daydreaming. i often find my thoughts trailing off into impossible and fantastical places where i create scenes of drama, epic battling sometimes even dance routines. must be a gift from god or something…
i love to watch people and try to suss out what makes them act the way they do. why a woman would prefer one seat over another, why the man next to me is nodding incessantly, what the woman grooving to her ipod is listening to. does anyone else do this? am i only one one interpreting these things?
when i was sixteen i bought a whole bunch of saris, curtains and mismatmched fabrics and used them to decorate my walls. i’ve slept in many rooms in many houses now but they have followed me everywhere. every room for 8 years red yellow blue green, red yellow blue green.
its a wondrous and infinitely ponderable thing, life. with its splendorous highs and miserable lows it is lovely to be able to form such beautifully unique views on things. each one of us adds to the ever increasing complexity of it all. to have the choice to be a cog in the wheel or a wrench at the heart of some twisted metal. to be helpful and reap the benefits or cold and rue its consequences.
do what you do and don’t look back. cherish your flaws, strengths and quirks for they are you. interact with your environment, this is your world, make it yours and do it now. this is your only chance. gravitate towards things that you connect with and they will do so to you. choose to love yourself and your life because truly thats all anyone has…
God its good to be alive. i could measure my life in so many ways. good or bad. by the amount of rolling papers i’ve gone through or the amount of time i’ve laughed hysterically or the amount of offhand comments i’ve made but why would I? each day is truly a new day and every second that you spend looking backwards you miss an oppurtunity to look forward. there is not a person in this world that has not fallen upon hard times and if you haven’t then you are not really living.
todays blog brought to you by: screaming cockatoo at the pet store
listening to: house of cards – radiohead
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